What does it really mean to lead with integrity—especially when everyone’s watching… or when no one is?
In my recent coaching and leadership programs, a recurring conversation has emerged around integrity and ethics in leadership. It’s surprisingly difficult to achieve because, essentially, we are all human and sometimes we do silly things.
‘Demonstrates Ethical Practice’ is the first of eight core coaching competencies as defined by the International Coaching Federation (ICF). I’ve always felt that these competencies, whilst designed for coaches, are a blueprint for how to communicate with care, curiosity, and courage in all aspects of our lives, ie, in ways that work for humans.
You can take a look at the eight competencies, and here’s something to try:
Swap out the word “coach” for “leader”… or even “human.”
This is now a powerful code of conduct for how we show up—in the boardroom, classroom, locker room, or lounge room.
If we each worked toward mastery in these eight areas, we wouldn’t just improve coaching—we’d transform leadership, and maybe even the world… or at least the little worlds we each influence every day.
Integrity in Action: A Teachable Moment in Sport
This week, an interesting example of ethical leadership came—not from a CEO or politician—but from a footy coach.
In response to being called a name by a commentator, Billy Slater, head coach of Queensland’s State of Origin team and one of rugby league’s most recognisable figures, when asked about the incident, responded to the media in a way that I felt was professional and composed.
(I’ll admit I don’t know the full backstory of Billy Slater’s relationships or history, but this particular public moment is worth highlighting, and I accept that you may not agree with my assessment, but stay with me – I think there is a message we can take from it!)
Rewriting Billy’s Words for Leadership of All Kinds
In a similar fashion to inserting the word ‘leader’ into the ICF Competencies, I’ve taken parts of Billy’s response and reworded slightly—not to change its meaning, but to show how powerfully it translates to leadership integrity: in organisations, teams, schools, and communities.
Here’s how it sounds through a leadership lens:
“When you hold a position in leadership, it’s a privilege. And with that privilege comes a responsibility.
When you speak, your voice is amplified to many—you are not talking to your mates in the pub or the wine bar.
We understand the human motivation of seeking attention and control—it’s normal human behaviour—and leadership creates a powerful platform. But there is a responsibility that comes with that platform.
When you degrade someone personally, in a derogatory manner, you probably don’t deserve that privileged position of leader or professional or trusted colleague.
You don’t know what people are going through, and while you might be thick-skinned—or believe that others should be—others may be in a very different place, or have a very different understanding of things, or hold different values or beliefs.
The impact of personal denigration can be significant and rarely positive or useful or motivational. It’s likely to reduce performance, not enhance it which is, after all, at the core of leadership—providing the opportunity and environment for people to bring their best.
I believe the character of a leader is in what they say about people, and how they treat people, more than in what a leader says to create attention or get their way or appear to be in control or in a position of power.”
It is important for all of us to remember that in leadership, we are dealing with humans and we have a responsibility to treat each other with respect. Language matters, and leaders must remember that we never have the full picture. We must watch what we say in public and behind closed doors, be curious rather than judgemental, and engage in productive dialogue to resolve situations.
Whether in sport, schools, or executive teams, great leadership begins with self-control, compassion, and respect for self and others.
Something to reflect on!
– What do you say when you think others aren’t listening?
– How do you talk about people when they’re not in the room?
– What tone do you adopt when expressing frustration or disagreement?
– Are you leading with curiosity or controlling with commentary?
…because leadership isn’t just about what you say to people—it’s about what you say about them.
You can watch Billy Slater’s interview response here..
Want to Go Deeper?
Download Michelle’s thoughts about the neuroscience of WHY we unintentionally default to behaviour that degrades others, seeks non-useful attention or causes us to speak without thought to the consequences. This does not EXCUSE such behaviour, but it does EXPLAIN it.
Because when we lead with integrity, we give others permission to show up with dignity.
POSTSCRIPT: In his response, Slater referenced the tragic loss of a former coach to highlight the potential consequences of careless words and personal attacks. That coach’s family have expressed their disappointment in the implication that Slater made. Recognising this, Slater publicly apologised and clarified his remarks (another reminder of how easily we can get it wrong – even if unintended – but how easily we can then make it right) and the family accepted that apology and clarified the situation.
I have since heard many varied opinions about this entire situation and Slater’s words. Please take my commentary in the context in which it is intended – to stimulate our thinking about how we show up as leaders and the responsibility that comes with leadership.