We can sometimes be arrogant enough to believe that our INTENTIONS equal our IMPACT.
We all have such great intentions, however, the impact we have on others as a result of our conversations, choices and behaviours can be mis-aligned with those intentions. And the most difficult bit, is that when that happens, people will rarely tell you that this is the case. This happens for a number of reasons…they don’t want to offend you or hurt your feelings; they couldn’t be bothered spending the time (face it, we’ve all done that!); or they don’t believe that it will make any difference to your behaviour, that you will simply become defensive (which many of us do).
It’s kind of like when you have a booger hanging off your nose…everyone can see it, but no-one wants to tell you about it!
When your impact is not matching your intentions you have a blind spot. Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham, in 1955, created a technique used to help people better understand their relationship with themselves and with others. It is a learning and discovery tool called the Johari Window. The window refers to our Blind Spots as areas that are ‘Known to Others and Unknown to Self’. The suggestion for discovering a Blind Spot is to ask for feedback or, in my words….taking a SELFIE!
Sometimes we just need to hold up that mirror (phone camera) and take a good look at what is really happening, through someone else’s eyes.
Maybe it’s time to approach that colleague who you have a funny feeling about, who doesn’t seem to be on your side, or connecting with you. Time to use them as a mirror and see what you can see and learn from taking that Selfie.
There are six questions that may be useful if you have the courage to do this….
What do you see as my strengths? What do you see as my weaknesses? What can you count on me for? What can you not count on me for (that you would like to)? What does everybody know about me that I may not know about me? What is one suggestion you can give me that will help me to help you?I encourage you to identify one person this week that you want and need to connect with better and ‘take a selfie’. Make sure you explain what you are doing and why, and ask their permission first, rather than hitting them with the potentially challenging task of giving you honest feedback.
Enjoy!